


A Light in the Darkness

by WarAgainstReality



Category: Star Trek
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 07:06:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8835049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarAgainstReality/pseuds/WarAgainstReality
Summary: Spock's Brain from his perspective.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, guys. I'm still new to the fandom but totally in love with it. Here's another Spirk-ish oneshot.

> Dark. The darkness was unexpected but not unwelcome. The fluorescent lighting had always been just short of glaring to my superior eyesight. It was much like the heating was just short of hypothermic. This was actually quite pleasant.
> 
> It was so pleasant that I did not stop to wonder why and how I had come to be in this state. I should have been on duty at the science station. As a Vulcan, my memory is perfect but these details seemed to be glaringly absent. Logically I should have known something was wrong.
> 
> "We'll get you, Spock. It won't be long."
> 
> "Captain?"
> 
> I opened my eyes in the medical bay. Captain James T. Kirk sat in the chair beside me, his head resting against the edge of the bed in unconsciousness.   
> As these details came through, so did a myriad of pain. Machines beeped measuring my every vital sign. I seemed to be relatively stable at least. The captain did not seem to trust the machines.
> 
> The lights were dimmed to 30% to encourage rest and for that I was grateful. Perhaps that's where the illusion of darkness had originated. Human eyes would have missed the figure standing in the doorway illuminated by the screens. In my condition, I only noticed him when the steady beeps of the monitors were interrupted by a gruff voice.
> 
> "He hasn't left that spot, the damn fool." Doctor McCoy grumbled. "Wouldn't even let me treat him until I managed to stick a tranquilizer in his neck."
> 
> "I find myself rather confused, Doctor." My voice came out rougher than usual. "I don't recall being injured."
> 
> "We were attacked. It wasn't pretty. I'll be patching up ensigns until the cows come home...let's just say that the xenophobic she-devil was more interested in green blood than red. The concussion might explain the memory loss."
> 
> "And the captain?"
> 
> "Jumped in the way like the self-sacrificing fool he is. He's lucky to have only walked away with a few minor injuries."
> 
> "Then I assume the rest of the ship and crew are well?"
> 
> "Yes, now get some damn sleep before I strap you down for good measure, you green-blooded hobgoblin."  
> ..........……………………………  
> The incense calmed my mind as I sat on my meditation mat, finally released back to my quarters. The ache of my body faded away as I focused on the necessary functions: my heart pumping blood from its place at my side, the circulation of air through my lungs, and the maintenance of a comfortable body temperature. Everything else seemed to fade into darkness.
> 
> "Mister Spock, where are you?" I heard engineer Scott's voice presumably from the communicator.
> 
> I opened my eyes and the room did not reappear around me. All sound was gone. It was complete isolation. A spike of fear ran through me. This is wrong. Something is very wrong.
> 
> I could not wake up. I could not feel or hear. I was completely disconnected. Even the voices of my fellow Vulcans were silenced in this endless void. I regretted ever closing my eyes.
> 
> All logic left me. The human part of me took over and I cried out in anguish. There was no sound. No anything. Just me alone in the dark.
> 
> Knock. Knock. Knock.
> 
> Knock. Knock. Knock.
> 
> The sound in the background became louder. I heard the faint sound of a door sliding, clearly overridden, and then the world shifted slightly. I felt a distant touch and then a mind exploding Inside of mine alleviating the darkness as his thoughts filled my mind.
> 
> "Captain?"
> 
> "How many times have I told you to call me Jim? Just relax, Spock. Everything's going to be okay."
> 
> "I- I think I need to return to the medical bay. Something is not right."
> 
> "I know. Look, Spock, do you trust me?"
> 
> "With my life, C-Jim." I forced my eyes open once again and was met with a pair of hazel eyes staring earnestly into mine.
> 
> "Good, because those are the stakes."  
> ........................................  
> "Jim?"
> 
> "Med bay can't help you now." Jim's thoughts were erratic and full of a panic he was trying to conceal. "None of this is real, I'm not real, this is just an illusion inside your mind."
> 
> "That is highly illogical." I stated as I disconnected our hands and gave the captain back his privacy.
> 
> "So is the darkness you keep disappearing into. How do I know? For god's sake, Spock, I'm just a really good copy made from your memory. I'm part of you. And you're going to die if you can't pull yourself together."
> 
> "I don't understand."
> 
> "There was an attack but this isn't how it happened. The real me is out there with Bones and Scotty now trying to save you. You've heard them, talked to them even, but it's not letting you remember. You have to go back and help them. You're running out of time."
> 
> "Then why would it let you tell me this? If this illusion is meant to keep me from remembering the truth, why are you able to go against it while being one of its parts?"
> 
> "You have a really good memory. Let's just say you made us a little more real than the Priestess was expecting. And, real or not, there's no way I'm going to stand around and watch you die if there's even the slightest chance I can help."
> 
> "Then what are your orders, Captain?"
> 
> "You're not going to like it but it's your only shot...You have to let go of this illusion and let the darkness take you. The darkness is real."
> 
> "Why would I willingly die? I thought we had gotten over our differences, Captain."
> 
> "Of course we have. You're not dead, Spock, but you will be soon. The darkness isn't death; it's where you're hidden. You have to show them where you are and you can't do that from in here. You said you trusted me. It's time to prove it."
> 
> "I cannot. All logic leaves me in the darkness. I lost control. My behavior was shameful before you arrived."
> 
> "Then I'll stay with you."
> 
> "Jim?"
> 
> "I'll stay as long as I can. You won't be alone."
> 
> Jim gripped my hand letting his mind bleed into mine as I closed my eyes. The darkness swallowed me almost instantly as I discarded the false world inside my mind. I only held onto the golden light of the mind touching mine.  
> ....………………………………  
> "Spock."
> 
> "Spock."
> 
> "Come on, Spock."
> 
> "Spock, you were on this frequency, Spock." I heard Jim call through his communicator.
> 
> "Yes, Captain. I am still here."
> 
> The memories rushed back but did not make any sense. I remembered a humanoid female and then unconsciousness. The golden light seemed to tug at my consciousness ordering me to branch out and explore the darkness around me.
> 
> "I seem to have a body which stretches into infinity."
> 
> They continued speaking but I began to lose concentration as the darkness around me began to change. I saw endless data streaming by on everything about these Eymorgs and their history. I was only distracted from my discovery when the doctor's blunt statement reached me.
> 
> "You are a disembodied brain."
> 
> "Fascinating." I replied but then continued on. "Why are you endangering your lives by coming here?"
> 
> That one part of my brain that had always been aware continued to converse with the Captain, Doctor McCoy, and Mr. Scott while the other part was distracted by a voice from within.
> 
> "Damn it, Spock. I told you before and so did he. We're not letting you die. Show them where you are," the other Kirk growled. "I swear to whatever you Vulcans choose to worship- yeah, I know. Worship is illogical but I'm not an idiot,mostly- if you just float around in here and let yourself die just because of a technicality, I will haunt you for the rest of your existence."
> 
> "That would be for the best. They will not die and I will not be alone."
> 
> "I'm not letting you give up. You're better than that. Where's all that Vulcan pride I'm always hearing about? You are getting out of here alive and whole, you stubborn fool. Yes, you're a fool. I don't care how high your IQ is!"
> 
> "Acknowledged."I answered both Jims as I beamed out a signal. I had the most unVulcan urge to sigh.  
> ……………………………………  
> "Jim?" I asked the presence inside my mind. "If you are not real, why do you continue to stay with me?"
> 
> "Because you need me." His voice held a hint of his famous smirk but was uncharacteristically soft. "This isn't the time for logic. You need to take a chance, be a little bit human, to survive this. If you didn't want me to become your conscience, you shouldn't have gotten yourself brain-napped."
> 
> "It wasn't exactly a choice, Captain."
> 
> "I bet you'd be doing that amused eyebrow raise right now if you had a face," he chuckled. "You're not as emotionless as you like to seem, Spock."
> 
> "And you've come to this hypothesis by what manner? Is this another one of those things you claim to know simply because you are 'a part of me'?"
> 
> "No, it's because I am him. Oh, Mr. Spock, the times you've had. Do you think the only man who was able to defeat the Kobayashi Maru couldn't see through your facade as you did his?"
> 
> "That is-"
> 
> "Don't pretend. There is no one here. I'm not even here. Vulcans are supposed to be incapable of lying, and I believe that lying to yourself still counts."
> 
> I thought on his words as I sorted through the Eymorg data for both knowledge and a way to release the Captain and company from their pain devices. It is true that Jim and I know things about the other that no one else knows. He was the one in which I reluctantly confided about the Plak tow despite the taboo. He confided his fears and doubts in me. We had even shared a mind meld.
> 
> The Captain and I began to rely on the other without question. Even this false version of him appeared and stayed in this time of need. Is this how human friendship works? Vulcans were never, as the Captain would say, 'the warm and fuzzy type', but their hatred of my genetics makes my data incomplete.
> 
> "The red button on the bracelet releases them. I know that does not make much sense." I called out to my rescue party.
> 
> "Oh, yes it does, Spock." The real Captain had that same hint of a smirk in his voice.  
> ……………………………………  
> I could somehow sense the people around me. The longer I lingered in 'the darkness' the more aware I became that it was anything but. This complex had become my body and all of its data went through me like a 21st century Terran computer processor. I could handle every single detail and be unaware. It was too much for even a Vulcan brain to remain conscious of it all.
> 
> My brain processed the conversation around me and even contributed but I couldn't tell you what was said. Just like I couldn't recall the conversations I had with the Captain before the illusion was broken. It was instinctual.
> 
> That part of me started rehearsing data on the item called the Teacher when the subject was breached. It seemed like the installation of the Controller was a kind of mirror image of the Teacher. One contains all the information needed by the species but is only useful for a short time inside a host. The other has access to all pertinent information and is used to sustain the population between the previous item's use. Over all, a relatively logical system considering the serviceable life of the Controller was estimated at 10 thousand years.
> 
> "Really, you're going to figuratively stand around admiring the reason the Enterprise was attacked and your brain was ripped out? I really shouldn't be surprised." He murmured inside my head with a tone mixed between disapproval and amusement.
> 
> "I merely stated that it was logical. I did not say I approved of such a system. It requires systematic harvest of a higher intellect's brain and a great decrease is the Eymorg's neural capabilities due to disuse. It is simply a failure in practice."
> 
> I felt the Jim inside my mind chuckle at the same moment I heard the real Jim begin to scream. The audio was enough to know what was going on. Doctor McCoy was clearly in distress; each wince sent out a myriad of quiet groans and winces. Kirk was panicking. My mind caught back up to the conversation, stuttering on one part.
> 
> "We're sure to lose you if I don't try," Kirk had murmured.
> 
> "I cannot allow you to jeopardize your life for me," I declared but, as usual, the Captain did not listen.  
> ...…………………………………  
> The next thing I was conscious of was the feel of something wrong rattling around inside my mind. I instinctually went to fight back when I felt a sharp tug in another direction. It wasn't painful but it was very insistent.
> 
> "Not a chance," the Captain in my head murmured. "I swear if you sabotage your own miraculous rescue I'll kill you myself."
> 
> I didn't have a chance to respond. I was assaulted by the voices around me. The sentiment was quite clear. I was going to die.
> 
> "He's forgetting!" Mr. Scott cried.
> 
> "I can't. I-" McCoy sounded like he was in physical pain.
> 
> I struggled to reach out. The savage human instinct to survive spurned me on. My _voice_ vibrated through the air and forced itself into the mind nearest to mine. I expected Doctor McCoy. Instead I was enveloped in a familiar golden light.
> 
> "Spock?"
> 
> "Captain, have the Doctor reconnect my vocal cords. I believe I can be of assistance." I murmured and the mental Kirk gave a little whoop.
> 
> "What was- Never mind," I could feel him smile slightly. "I'm on it, Spock."
> 
> I guided the Doctor through the motions as he put things back the way they were meant to be. It was an odd feeling. Sharp aches filled my body. Clearly it had not reacted well to my absence. All systems were functioning at bare minimum.
> 
> It wasn't long before I was 'rewired'. Doctor McCoy demanded that I be confined to the medical bay for observance and I couldn't find the energy to object. In exhaustion, I allowed myself a bit of weakness and faded into true sleep.
> 
> The Captain from my illusion had faded after I was returned to my body. In my unconscious state, I couldn't understand the golden light that now lit up my mind or the soft pressure on my hand. Maybe it was a pleasant dream. Maybe my Jim was watching over me in this world too.


End file.
